Saturday, April 26, 2008
fare di well

Phew. Finally the looong week is over...*jumps for joy*
Lol. Lame.

Hmm. Fell sick. Again. Funny thing was, today almost everybody in the side of the office where I work at is starting to cough and sneeze...haha. I think its courtesy of me?? Hahahaha.

I still feel it is so very difficult to reply sms'es in chinese la! =\

I am getting so tired of trying to please everyone, you know. Maybe I should grab this break as a chance to rethink how I will, should...WANT to behave around others.

Well I am leaving for Beijing in...9 hrs. Kinda excited since it has been quite long since I left the country. =)

Er. Thanks Shuen for your, uh, well wishes on my trip...haha. Eventhough it might sound more like ur cursing me, but thanks anyway. (This is considered one paragraph whether you like it or not!)

So, unless something terrible happens to me, I guess the world would still see more of me. (=

Anyway, see you people in 8 days!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008
regrets

You know when you reach a certain point in your life, you'd start regretting all the little things you didnt do.

Why didnt I join the band and/or choir?
Why didnt I take the tooth that dropped out from a boy I pushed down in primary sch to sell??
Why didnt I, knowing that I'd have to go to the principal's office anyway, grabbed that irksome fat kid (by the same name) by the collar and stuffed a gerbil up his ass?
Why was I so kind and didnt eat the LAST chicken wing, allowing some other *insert insulting word here* person to eat?

You know, all those funny little things that'll suddenly pop up and make u feel quite regretful for abt a minute, until you forget them again?

Yea...for example, swimming.

I can swim with pyjamas on. I can dive and grab a key from the swimming pool floor. I can breaststroke and front crawl a few laps. I.e bronze. Lol. Big deal. Maybe should have at least continued to gold, like my bro. Haha. But i was so young, naive..and dumb. =)

Or my electone grade.
Stopped at what? Level 5? 1 grade away from teacher's grade? This period of time also no time to continue. I also find diff in finding time to practise. Zzz.

Of course, its not as though I cannot rectify these few regrets NOW. Its just that I wont be able to do it as wholeheartedly as last time...at least for now.

I managed to do something about a few of those regrets anyway...haha. Rewards from anyone?? No..? =\

Among others, braces anyone? Haha.

So my point is, its not good to live with regrets. While you still have the time and ability to do so, you can change the way your life is progressing. Living a life of regrets is like living in a pool of quicksand; either grab onto that nearby brance and lift yourself out before u sink too deep, or u can continue struggling and disappear under forever.

Another thing. I was mistaken to be 14 years old yest. FOURTEEN.
This is getting too much. Lol.
I am just glad I am looking younger everyday!

Saturday, April 19, 2008
FEAR

Alright people. Let me start off explaining a bit abt my previous post.

1. There is no 'other' one. There is only 'the' one (whom is still elusive until i think i'd have more chance finding a needle in the horse feed)
2. I do not want to kill myself. I only want to kill dogs.
3. I am not an emo potato. I am only, according to a dear acquaintance, 65% emo. (i think its 65%, cant rmb, but its in the 1-100% range). I think that is supposed to be good.
4. Most of the previous post is gibberish. i.e. it does not accurately represent what I am feeling now; it represents only 6427 hrs ago.
5. Although, one full paragraph in that pool of nonsense is true.
6. No dogs were actually harmed in the making of that post (so animal rights gaytivists, scuttle), although my desire to bite them does supercede the desire to pat.

That's about it.

Onto to more important stuff.
I have been doing some reading up of articles. Sort of self-improvement knowledge...its so fun to try out la...haha. I find they are quite useful; confidence-wise. Though my fren says its lame. Well, that's his opinion...haha. If being swayed by the opinion of others so easily is my forte, den I think my diet can consist of human fertilisers.
That's my opinion of those ppl who have no mind of their own except following others their whole pathetic lives.

Now, onto EVEN more important stuff.

I was queueing up buying food for my colleague, and this guy from woodbridge flew in from behind and just jumped in front of me and ordered. Lucky I didnt have a chopper in hand, or he can say goodbye to his manhood.

Okay, now I am going to start on the emo part of the post; the I-am-feeling-emo-and-want-to-write-my-innermost-feelings-yet-do-not-want-ppl-to-read-so-I-make-the-font-colour-the-same-as-the-background-and-super-small-but-I-will-post-it-anyway part. =D


Hmm...perhaps I have started on the wrong footing, and ended up tumbling downhill all the way...='(

That's it. Lol.

Oh and here is something interesting.
FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

In other words, most of the things we perceive to be fearful of are actually non-existent. U want proof, go read it up somewhere else. This blog is not called blogopedia. Keeping that in mind, once we can overcome this psychological fear barrier, I believe many things can be done.
That is my target.

Can you believe I actually spent 30 mins writing this crap?
My time management beats those in the Guiness Book of Nonsense Records.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008
love? or hatred..?

A power exists in this world that is to kill for.

Something that people might have all too often overseen. There are those that just do not appreciate its beauty until it is lost. There are those who never experienced it before; and then there are people like me.

It'll never be something I would ever succumb to. Or so I thought. Is it a sign of weakness to fall prey to its delicious lure? Yet, when it comes down to it, it is probably the only thing that holds our world together.

When we do see each other, it is under less than happy circumstances. I pretend to be indifferent. You act as if you don’t care. Maybe you really don’t care. I can understand that. I have made myself believe, I am nothing more than an acquaintance. Perhaps this will help me get over you.

And finally allow me to sleep at night.

Yet, I am not let off.

Even when I sleep, I do not rest. You visit me in my dreams. Taunting me. Hanging a carrot just out of my reach. They are sweet dreams, and that is why I hope they go away. They portray something that will never come true, and I am hurting because of them.

I have fallen. I am broken. You are so close; yet so far that I can only hope. I yearn for interaction. Yet, unfortunately, that is all I can, and will ever, achieve.

You have locked yourself..and I am not the key.

All I can do is watch from a distance. Never crossing paths, but always there. Even if not in body, in soul.

I am at a dilemma. I cannot proceed any further. I want to. Really I do. I want to be your something more. Alas. My childish fanciful hopes are like rocks in the ocean. Hidden. Cold. And never to be known by you.

What is the point then, in continuing to breath? I am losing sight of my reason for doing so.

A power exists in this world that is to kill for, or if not, to die for…



Comments...anyone...?

Saturday, April 12, 2008
aria

Grabbing every opportunity I can get, here I am with another meaningless post.

Haha.

I am wondering why the accounts department always have to stay so late. The office is left with only a few of us, all from the accounts side...lol. Which is so sian la.

Bloody last min work!!

At least I think I shld be able to reach 1k in my latest 15 days =)

Another thing, I am not granted a moment's reprieve even in my sleep. I am haunted by dreams unwelcomed.

Sad case.

How am I supposed to get over this if I see you even with my eyes closed?? I wonder.

Gosh. Im gonna become so stressed my hair'll start falling out soon.

Thursday, April 10, 2008
invitation to get lost

What do I really want?
You, at the back of my mind, pls leave. Lol. Leave!!!

Hmm. Its useless to think things, but do nothing abt them.

I do not want to enter uni as a fat pig.
So I am doing something abt it.

Haha...

I'll be so busy like this though...hmm.

Monday, April 07, 2008
^.-

Ok, you guys may have seen this titbit of information somewhere else before, but I feel this is quite interesting.

64% of NUS students have sex at least once a week on campus.

That is what is reported, according to a STOMP survey.
Wow.
Lets make things simple.
Assuming the survey is an accurate representation of all the students in NUS, and without factoring any external influences, that would mean 2 out of every 3 students you see in NUS engage in sex fairly often.

That is excluding the fact that there is still part of the remaining 36% who have sex on a less regular basis who are not included in the above category.

It just goes to show how the trend is going these days. Pre-marital sex is no longer, ok maybe not no longer, but is rarely abstained from in this day and age, no matter what you choose to think.

I was just telling my mom, "That means 64% chance I'll fall into that category as well huh? Haha."

-.-''

Of cos, she came to me with all the sleep-inducing lectures about concentrating on my studies first blah blah...=\

Haha. Really makes you see things differently eh?

Sunday, April 06, 2008
Act 1 - End

The weather changes so quickly, so erratically.

All of a sudden, the sky turns dark, and there is a heavy downpour, which I nearly got caught in, if I had been 5 mins slower.

Come to think of it, the last time I remembered experiencing such weather was slightly less than 5 mths ago.
It was a day highly anticipated.
It'd have been perfect if it wasnt raining so heavily.
Though the weather was cold, and the day seemed depressing, I thoroughly enjoyed myself.
And that is what I want to choose to remember.
As a memory worth keeping.

Now is a different story.
Fairytales have a happy ending.
This is not a fairytale, and this play has ended.

We fail from time to time, but it is because of these failures that we become stronger. I have learnt what I needed to know. This will not happen again.

The present is what we live in, the past is worth thinking back on, however, it is the future that we can mould, and should look forward to.

The weather changes so quickly, so erratically.
I am caught in the middle.
I will get out.

Thursday, April 03, 2008
to be. not. no regrets?

Fell sick yest.
Went to see doc straight after work.
Had lots of sleep.
Now feeling much much better. =)

Met James in the afternoon. (yea, i skipped work cos i was sick, but i still met him...?)
Why oh why Mr. James are you so freaking shy??
Haha.
Din even dare take a look.
-.-''
Wasted my effort of walking back to Heartland mall with you in my drug-induced drowsy state..and u haven paid me for the bus ride >=\

Practised a little on the electone, just playing whatever was coming to my mind...
Stopped after only 30 mins cos I was on medication and just felt too sleepy...
Ended up lazing on the sofa playing PSP (like wth..)

I guess its really true that you'll start feeling better after telling a friend ur problem(s).
I seem to be less...emotional these few days. (i think)
Considering I still do think about that particular thing, I am in better control of myself =)
At least I dun feel that super sudden depressing feeling that makes me break down. (actually I haven felt that in years, but who's counting? )

So after all is said and done, when I have done what I could, can I face myself and say that I have no regrets that I have tried?

Tuesday, April 01, 2008
a lucky find

Oh gosh.
My friend and I stumbled onto a shop in lavender that sells dirt-cheap shirts.
Couldnt believe our eyes.
5 bux for 2.
And its not that kind of cheapo low-quality piece of shit material kind of clothes.
Considering its 5 dollars for 2, its a very reasonable steal.
I guess the grp of us will be frequenting there quite often from now on...haha.
And i'll see a sudden increase in my wardrobe of shirts =)

Really so fortunate!